Sigh.
Look how early I'm posting today. You can always tell I've had a bad night if I'm posting before 8 a.m. in the morning.
You know, I wish I could blog like in the old days. If I could, I would tell all: from how sexy my boyfriend is when he's playing the guitar to how we got in a stupid fight about (insert mundane household item here) last night that has extended into the wee hours of this rain-lashed morning.
I would have delved more deeply into the relationship dynamics that played out in Alaska. What happened, exactly, as we piloted a kayak over too-big waves and got stranded on beaches that we couldn't get off? Who took charge? Who panicked? Who spotted the first grizzly (And the second? And who was ready to pack the kayak up and flee and who insisted we stand our ground?)
Hell, I would tell you the most private details of our s*x life if I could. Because God knows, I don't have anyone to talk to about that now my best girlfriends have dispersed to far-flung corners of the world.
I would share our thoughts on having kids and adoption (who's pro, who's con?) and that I think he would be great dad but that the thought of kids still terrifies me. I would talk about how my niece gets a googly, lovestruck look in her eyes every time he appears.
I might even talk about how I saw my most recent ex-boyfriend last week for the first time since our breakup more than 2 years ago and how bittersweet (but mostly sweet) that was.
I would talk about how I worry I'm emotionally shut down and might never be able to open up except to people I can't trust because they can't hurt me as much. But then I might say how that's stupid psychobabble and I should just shut the f*ck up.
But no. I don't talk about those things anymore. And, therefore, I don't really blog anymore, because nothing engaged me like talking about love and sex and dating and boys.
There I was, talking to a blogging class at Write on the Sound yesterday, telling them how the #1 thing they needed for a successful blog was PASSION.
And here I am, blogging day after day without passion anymore.
Me and Blogger need to go into some serious therapy.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Me and Blogger -- Headed to Couples Therapy
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2 comments:
I'm a long time follower from before the book deal and just wanted to say hang in there. And, I don't really know what the appropriate level of sharing on a blog is. You know, I loved your old blog because you were going through alot of the same problems that I was going through with men at the time, and it was nice to hear that someone else was having as difficult a time as I was.
But I've followed blogs that delved into detail and then got into trouble when an object of affection discovered the blog. And all things being equal, in my own life, I'd rather have my relationship with my guy than a quasi-relationship with dozens of supportive but ultimately faceless people who are not really connected to me. If there were some way to blog completely anonymously, where it would be impossible for anyone to discover who I was, that might be the way for to go. But I'm not sure that's really possible, because the blog might achieve a certain amount of popularity and then the chances of identity being linked gets very high. (Some people like the dooce.com blog do give lots of details about their lives, but I know this level of detail would not work in my own relationship and I think that it's a rare situation to be able to make it work.)
Does your boyfriend blog at all? Would he have any interest in a sort of he said/she said blog? That's somethink I haven't really seen before and which could have alot of potential, but on the other hand that much honesty could also have the potential to implode the relationship, so maybe forget I suggested that.
I *am* sorry about your predicament, though, because I recall your old blog and the comment section and remember how interesting it was to read. And I suspect that it might really have helped you, especially through some of the rougher times; I know that in some ways it helped me. Still, I would rather see you happily coupled than happily blogging, so there you go. I sincerely wish you all the best.
onlyconnect
Just found your blog, but it's fabulous! You should write more often... maybe it'll stir passion once again.
Or a candle-lit dinner and glass of wine with your computer ; )
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